i'm thinking love at first sight or sudden realizations of love, but happy endings all the way. i love happy endings, i'm sweet like that :)
i'm thinking of an unsuspecting boy and girl who do not realize that their hearts are about to begin the eternal dance of love.
they go about their lives without a care in the world until cupid or whatever it is decides it's time to enslave their hearts, and force it to be in tune with each other.
i'm thinking they get introduced by a mutual friend, or they unexpectedly bump into each other, or their eyes just happen to meet and lock in a room.
their fate becomes sealed at that very moment even if they haven't got the slightest idea. they either understand it or fight it and i'm guessing that they fight it with every ounce of strength they have, until they come to terms with it. it doesn't have to go that way, sometimes they just give in to it, but it's my story so...
I'm thinking they keep staring at each other trying to decipher whatever feeling they have towards each other. why their hearts keep pounding, why there are butterflies in their tummies, why they can't manage a word when they are around each other. in some situations they try to understand why they hate each other, sometimes they try understand feelings of violence, exasperation, basically strong emotions that involves harming the other, but i'm sticking with the first scenario. they keep wondering why they only feel this way with each other and other people, they try so hard to feel this way with other people so they can classify such feelings as normal, basically nothing special. they avoid each other because they don't like the things that happen when they are around each other.
I'm thinking they finally give in to the love they have for each other, they finally acknowledge the feelings that they have for each other. they realize they can't live without each other or is that supposed to come earlier? i don't know. sometimes they give in to lust and realize they have fallen in love with each other, or sometimes they agree that they have something and it takes a long time to finally say the dreaded three words "I Love You"... the male proposes or the female does (in rare situations) and they meet each other's families, or does that again come before. anyway they get married and live happily ever after.
I'm thinking all these thoughts and what-if's pop into my head and somehow burst my pretty bubble.
what if the the feelings are one-sided, the butterflies, the pounding, the attraction, basically the love.
the person becomes obsessive, thinking maybe "if I just meet him/her, just maybe..."
or overtime such individual becomes heart broken and sad and sometimes eventually becomes suicidal.
i'm also thinking what if one party just uses the other for sex, money, fame, power, things that do not even go anywhere close to the heart. the extremely wicked ones just play along to humiliate the other party.
they get the other party to bare their heart, basically throwing themselves unarmed at the other party, hoping that they'll meet each other half way and maybe lift each other up, yet they are forced to come to the harsh realization, that they were a means to an end. this leaves them heart broken again and sometimes suicidal. this again veers from the path of happy endings that i have created for my love story.
i'm also thinking of the possibility that after the marriage and the honey moon phase, one party changes. they become withdrawn and they start to wonder what clouded their visions and made them think they were in love. they begin to wonder if they married the right person for them, if they rushed into marriage too fast, if they should have followed the advice of those who warned them against each other.
they start to think, what if they had married someone else, someone with better physical appearances, more money or someone who is more presentable. they begin to harbor feelings of discontent in their heart, that overtime becomes hatred towards the other party.
i like to think that somewhere in the nearest future i'll have a happy ending, that i'll find the love that i desperately search for. love that knows my flaws and loves them because they are mine. love that makes me angry and probably have extremely violent feelings and at the same time turns me to putty with a smile or an action or perhaps a word. love that makes me pray to God for him more than i pray for myself. love that makes me feel like i'm his one special girl and nothing can ever change. however these what if's put doubts in my mind as to if it's all worth it. if the pain of feeling rejected and used is worth the short period of bliss and happiness, i it's worth the feeling of uselessness that washes over you the moment you realize you are not need anymore?
Each day without realizing it i pray to God to give me a love that is fully baked, to keep the ones that would hurt me out of the way till that special one comes, and sweeps me off my feet. yes! i said it i want to be swept of my feet, and yes it is silly but i want it anyway. i also pray to God to make it easy for my "the one" to find me. i just realized that i have even started praying or him wherever he is. LOL and i claim to be selfish :)
Cynthia:)
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